decided to change skin.. just have that urge to do so.... been doingg like thinkings and thinkings and more thinkings.... in the end... decided seriously.. that persistence wont do both party good. just like.... accept my fate?.....? i just feel so unwanted cann?>...... so rubbish.. like trash prepared to throw away any time.. trash that doesnt even have a trash bag to go to.
hope yuu guys have fun lorh, no more comments.
haiz, just wanna thank those tht really really treated me as their friend. i just cant read people's thoughts., so, i wouldnt know wad others are thinking, but for just these few people.., i really cann feel the sincerity in our friendship. love yuu guys!
cann ppl who think that they are m friends pls tell me if it is true?. i just don know...... everyone...... just... vanished... just like that. MAGIC?. nahz...... guess not.. so tag yea?? pretty pls?. i wann to have that security there..
actually........ it is just these few ppl that make up my life... my happiness.... and also the very few people that made up my tears., but.. it really cann change the way i feel about life... the very fragile word.., i cannot stand the harsh cruelty of the world anymore..... and., one of the person i love most in the world... is faintly.., drifting further and further.


everything so suck noww! FCUK the whole world cann?! firstly, the above thing, secondly, my bloody family thing, and thirdly!, my studies! ARGHX! wad the hell is happening to my so perfect life last time?? why is everything so RUINED now?!
friends; -- oh ya, yuu are my friend, ooo yahh,,,,...... but, real? true? friends are the onlyy people i cann like rely on?... the only things that could make me happy is like being with them?.... WOW!, now?. forget it,.... useless. useless to continue anymore..
family; errrrs.... like when do i ever was close with them? yah! i remember! when my lil brother wasnt borned yet!! claps claps! i still cann remember! everyday, i would hear my mother screaming at me, my brother framing me, and my elder brother adding salt and pepper! i tried to hold my anger, fearing my father would flare up if i shout backk or argued. BUT I HAVE MY LIMITS! and when this volcano in my head erupts, i'll be the giant's lunch.
todayy, im stuck with my brother at home thanks to some great peeps, and the whole dayy, he have been calling my mother and complaining about my every single movement. thanks a lot guys.
studies; ok... it isnt the worse of people...... and it aint bad osho..... but it did drop?. besides, everyhting is like so fuck to me now... even this? nothing much others to sayy.
im so gonna go ANTI LIFE. i hate everything now~! wad the hell! arghx! FUCK! fuck! FCUK!fcuk! ahhh!!
and to those who is having problems too, let's set up anti life club. I HATE LIFE! whyy did i ever come into this world for?. fun, joy peace and laughter. for the sake and pleasure of my parents?

yesterday went to this concert at VCH... hmmms hmmmms..... a lot of opera singers?. hahas, ok, den me, jun hong and bee kwee did something really errs... guilty. (= heex,
went to eat, den jun hong treated me to the cream puff. yumm! was nice leyy. thankyews! den went to mos burger. den went home. go home den eat liaos, lucky i dint like eaT?. if not will be chao full liaos. PIGG. haa, oh yah, and jun hong called himself lao xiao. LOL,
arghx, sun burnt den face red like monkey butt.- so disgusting!! eeeeek.!
TODAY, woke up in the morning by my mother's screaming. den watched tv plus use com. actually wann to pratise maths on workbook derr, but cannot find the bk. so used the assessment that u found in my room. think is fredrick's one? shld be, den tried to do... but donnoe how. hahas, i think after exam den blank liaos. I DON EVEN REMEMBER HOW TO DO STANDARD FORM!! ahh!! diedie!, wednesday retest lerr. den did 2 pathetic qns and went to sleep. my brother's fault!! on song for me to hear! make my sleep. hahas,
den wake up like... errs.. hours later??. haiz...donnoe how to survive liaos. wad's wrong with my stupid brain?? donnoe how to solve simple qns?? especially factorisation!! HELP! seriously in need of some brain wash.

the week is like veh busy barhs.... the next week osho... camps lor.
tml have dazu.
wed got retest and xiaozu and briefing.
thurs got retest and proj work
friday to monday have sec 2 OAC
tues have election
wed to thurs have comm camp IF get into comm

that's all barhs... (=

anyways, happy belated birthday to sheldon. frankly, i thought tt today was 29JUNE, guess im lagg one day eh? HAPPY FOURTEENTH BIRTHDAY!
yuu are 14 already!! happy? hahas, but still, im ur JIE! too bad! heex,
grow up and don read diaries in class!!! LOL

went sentosa todayy!
hahas, was ok laas, quite fun. the most nice part was the skin colour i have now! hahas!!! sun burnt laas. (=
we went to play beach volley ball. hahs, donoe how to play. den we went to swim?? hahas! they one by one kana pushed in by jerome, den wo zi2 hao3 faster run in myself before he come push sia., don wann to drink the salt water or get any into my eyes. LOL
stayed in there for quite some time, den we went kayaking! hahaz! nice nice.. sorry laas yixiang. heex.. ;)
then jerome go chase us. wann to push us down into the water. in the end when we got backk to carline and stephh there, i kana pushed down. =( bleggs! but hors, fan1 chuan2 was nice osho, not so badd.
we then stayyed there for some time again den went to change and eat. actually wann play pool derr, but tt person so longg. den sit mrt go home ler lorh.
hope my skin will remain this colour leyy. veh nice. hahas, but, it will soon peel off barhs.

holidays lerr,,... donnoe how to spend it osho. the first and second week will be completely packed.really wanna relax durng this time... but still must studyy for maths retest and do homework!! arghx. hahas, shld really buck up le barhs........ don feel good lazing around osho. the last few days was post exam activities and excursions. siann-ded. i wanna sayy a huge jia you to myself sia..... JIA YOU! ....
and jia you to ppl out there who is having olevels chinese. all the best on mondayy yea?. KAMBATE!!

and to those who are stressed up and sadd......(esp. to yuu), don sadd lerr yea?. remember... somewhere at the corner of the world... there is someone made specially for yuu, may it be friends or wadever.., there will be that special someone, who will always be true to yuu. i know i will. (:

todayy woke up early for proj work. den in the end so BLUR, cann get lost while goingg to serangoon. SO STUPID!! ahh!! -.-' den sat bus to jolyn's house, den realised it was in ALJUNIED>>???? NING MAO!!! TRICKED ME AND YIJUN AR! LOL! hahas, den did proj work lor. hahhas,
after that went woodlands meet yiqing. pei me eat. wahahahas, i nth to do marh, don wanna go home so early. cos sure got disaster derr. prevention is better than cure yuu noe. (=
ate at LONG JOHN's, en went shopping? hahahas, causeway point ih NICE! , big and NICE! hahahahs, went to the top most floor, den slowly go down. complicated place. den we took NEOPRINTS! hahahahas! long time since the last neoprint taken. heex, den yiqing bought shoes., is tt considered shoes? hhaas, overall the dayy was considered ok laas, besides the part getting lost and tricked! LOL tok to yiqing was nice, =D
tomorrow got proj work presentation, sort of? hahas, at 2pm, hope cann make it for CO laas. (x
tomorrow is gonna be a brand new dayy, and i haven did my zuo wen, maths and maths correction. COOL>> nahz, .... seriously have post examinations mood. and been busy too. BUCK UP JOANE! blegg!

changed skin lerr. yuu noe, i think everytime i change skin is according to my mood derr. hahas, matches with my mood. (:
todayy boring day laas, just some packing for the camp, did it like so early? hahas, cos i scared i will lazy next time, and dint wanna do any last minute packing. later forget to buy things. den went to compass point cos my MAMA wann buy things. go metro. aiya, went everywhere jiu shi lerr. hahas, den saw kai xiang's hse? cos i saw the shi2 zi4 lu4 kou3 where i got lost the other time. heex.
bought slippers? LOL den went to eat PIZZA!! hahas, dint noe it was my parents' aniversary. hahahas. 22 MAY! =D
pizza was nice nice and more nice. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MUMMY DADDY!!!!!
tomorrow having project work at jolyn's house. haiz, project work. glad that there is progress in it laas. proud of ourselves! (x means tml must wake up at 7.30am!!!! ahh! so early. YAWNZZ>>>

i think a lot of things in LIFE is very unpredictable derr. one moment, yuu might think that everything around yuu is perfect, and when yuu are enjoying, things are slowly taken away from yuu little by little every second.
and sometimes, when yuu are feeling really down, some special people will just come into your LIFE like that. and things seems complete again. that's whyy my mind is always in a mess almost every minute. things just jumble up, not knowing wad will happen next in my LIFE. ahhas, donnoe whyy i suddenly thought of this, but just to tell people out there, CHERISH THE ONES YUU HAVE RIGHT NOW. THERE'S NO GAURENTEE EVERYTHING WILL REMAIN THE SAME AND IN THIS WONDERFUL DREAM OF OURS. AT LEAST WE HAVE OUT MEMORIES STILL WITHIN OUR HEARTS.

hope life is going on well with yuu guys out there..... i now treat life totally differently. seeing life from another aspect. i gues, it's better for me. =D thankyes to those who were with me all the while, after all these...... i've grown up. yes, tts it. different philosphical view. but, maybe.... it's just keeping everything inside of me....... and doesnt show.. it really proves to be better. i think? confused.. not sure osho. mustnt think of it now. im just going to do my best in everything i do. DEBATE AND PROJECT WORK! JIA YOU JOANE!

in caroline's house now,. rushed to toa payoh after the interview. kinda did quite badly barhs. they asked wad im going to deal with the blazer problem, at that time, i donnoe wad's the price of the blazer, i don noe the whole situation properly, so i cant give an answer, guess that's bad barhs, kept quiet. desperately thinking of an answer. bee kwee asked me go home think. hahahas! i walked out of the room, den found out that the blazer is 100 plus bucks. if it really isnt entirely the person that lost the blazer fault, i think he should just pay just majority and not all? haiz, seriously donnoe. don really noe the whole idea of the post. time management? am i really willing to spend time? they asked that, i gave the answer yes. and i meant it. YES. altho it was in a smiley face when i have tt answer, but it doesnt mean that im not serious. just trying to comfort myself of not to be scared. cant really answer in these kinda formal things. too FORMAL, too much stress and pressure liaos.

these few days working hard on project work. spend so much time in com lab. tired. donnoe whyy, i shld be happy to be able to use the computer even in school, but, i just feel tired. tired. exam stress and project stress. somemore got one more debate coming up. i really wanna get this done right and well. ben low!! banana, i noe yuu look down on us, i noe tt yuu sayy we cant win. i know we cant from the start, cos yuu ppl have bano, xie shern and aaron wong, i admit tt they are better than us and me, but yuu are not. so don smirk. i'll try my very best to win. and ivan, pangseh den later come backk again, since yuu don wann den don wann laas, in the first place den don ask me join yuu. haiz, but nvm le barhs, it;s over, i don wanna bear grudges. i just hope that we will have have a fruitful shou1 huo4 after our hard work.

new comm coming up, no matter what, i will support whoever goes into it derr. because i noe self confidence isnt enough, how others think what and how yuu are also plays a part. so yah, make CO a better place! (:
later going shopping with MAMA, buying stuff for camp barhs, if not for i wanna buy things hors, i den don wann go with her ne! i still wann complete this debate thing neh! LOL
that's all for now le, wanna type a lot one, cos i think caroline's keyboard loud loud one, veh nice to type! hahas, and im not slacking!!! waiting forr brainstorming ideas onlyy. they still writing. ok, buh bye! iLOVEyuupeeps. everyone out there that is true towards me, muackx

ARGHX!!! MY BROTHER SUCKS CANN?!?!!! FRAME ME 3 TIMES PLUS HIT ME WITH THE BOOK. CHAO PAIN LOR!! ahh!!!! hate him!!!!!!

tired from proj work lerr....... tired from everything lerrr. brain, faster stop working, faster indulge into a deep sleep forever....

got backk maths paper... haiz, disappointedd barhs. but, (: SMILE! i noe i cann improve, and i will! yes, possitive thinkings. =)
went to give jun hong backk the key. den he and fred pei me go open door. den took ruan. after that went proj work lerr. do until tired and hungry. yawnzz. my stomach's growlingg. den Miss Chan so good!! go bring us chocolates and biscuits!! yay! haas, did until 6pm liddat. wahh, by tt time went all weak liaos, still must carry RUAN, tiredd sia. haiz,.


sweet sorrow..

My tears are not of loss
But of time too quickly gone.
I miss our days together
Even while they're going on.
I savor odd, sweet moments
When you laugh or when you smile,
Nostalgic for your presence
Though you're with me all the while.

Strange how fantasy
Can wander in and out at will,
Looking back from somewhere
That is just beyond a hill.

And so when once you leave
You will not leave me alone,
For I will have you with me
Long, long after you are gone.

got backk maths paper... haiz, disappointedd barhs. but, (: SMILE! i noe i cann improve, and i will! yes, possitive thinkings. =)
went to give jun hong backk the key. den he and fred pei me go open door. den took ruan. after that went proj work lerr. do until tired and hungry. yawnzz. my stomach's growlingg. den Miss Chan so good!! go bring us chocolates and biscuits!! yay! haas, did until 6pm liddat. wahh, by tt time went all weak liaos, still must carry RUAN, tiredd sia. haiz,.


sweet sorrow..
(to my loved ones)

My tears are not of loss
But of time too quickly gone.
I miss our days together
Even while they're going on.
I savor odd, sweet moments
When you laugh or when you smile,
Nostalgic for your presence
Though you're with me all the while.

Strange how fantasy
Can wander in and out at will,
Looking back from somewhere
That is just beyond a hill.

And so when once you leave
You will not leave me alone,
For I will have you with me
Long, long after you are gone.

todayy started off quite good lorhs, congratulated the groom for his marriage. hahas, so funny. he still wave to us with triump. l o l
got backk papers....
elit= 44/75
eng=38.5/50
history=35/50
chinese compo... haiz,. failed pathetically.....
4,5/20 forr ying yong wen.
35.5/70 forr compo..
haiz, what a failure yea..... utter disappointment.. but, it's expectedd. knew i dint do well when i finished the paper...
o'wells........ wad's done cannot be undone... =sigh=
mr khoo osho said maths was badly badly done.. very..... fail lor. ):
the road of life is really difficult to walk through yuu noe... so many problems to face, and yuu still have to put on a smile for people. im tired yea.. budden, that's life. it isnt like a computer game which yuu cann press a restart button or even pull out the switch. it shall continue even how hard it might be.

after schh went see ning mao, den less den 2 mins proj work, den ok liaos. jerome and yu guang waitingg. den we waited forr them. they waiting for wei jun. den bla bla. o yarhs, bano asked forr bowling, but hahas, tml got proj work. ): i wann go ley. hahas, bad luck. walked out.. really felt like running away from reality.. bang and die. wow! fascinatingg. (:

went home with car'line, stephh and jerome. on the bus listen to SLY the suo yi. ok laas, quite nice. den got this veh cute cute baby. wahh!! chao ke ai lorh!! make those type of emotions. SO CUTE!! ahhaahs!
sat mrt, den so qiao saw min ruu. hahahas. she _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ wor! mummy, yuu noe wad i typingg?? wahahas~! -zip-

todayy last paper, maths paper 1. it was so hard, minus 20 marks lerr. haiz, no hope liaos laas me. but as zhiwen always sayys, LIFE STILL GOES ON..
wen to see coach carter, yuu noe wad? i think it is nice. hahas, partly cos of the show and a small part contributed by ivan's crap. den went suntec eat and play??? hahas. and den walked around.. tireddd noww. yawnzz.
siann diao now after exams.. IM BORED!! anyone wanna go out tomorrow? it's been a long time...
(: nth to write liaos, cannot blame mi, i lead a boring life? hahas. bye ppl.
and!!, todayy is the friday the thirteenth. bad luck ppl! unlucky day. lol.




i don wish to forget and forgo everything in the past.. i love everything that have happened to me that yuu gave me. but i know that i will leave these memories behind even how much i try to keep it. pls, guide me through this...

todayy woke up at 4.12am, den wann studyy derr, was about to press call stephh on the phone, den slept!! cann yuu believe it?!?!?!? arghx, woke up at 5.30am, den was soo pissed, sure chinese and science donnoe derr. seriously, i dint studyy veh much. chinese is donoe how long b4 touched derr, den on mrt chiong chinese.
siann lorhs, die lorhs. haiz, think i whyy so shi bai, whyy nvr study.. haiz,
den chinese paper, was like damn easy, but, i dint studyy, so donnoe all the zao ju!!! arghx, all anyhow do lorhs. tikam lorhs. den the sentence all veh stupid one. left one blank. cos cannot think of any lame shit sentence to write there. den science arh, cannot copy derr, the teacher so strict. somemore waste so much of our time! arghx!! stupid teacher, come late still waste our time, start the paper, den still shift place and ask stephh to run down take paper herself. it's like so siao???
den after exam, i don wish to tok bout the science paper, veh dissappointing. did all 5 qns when onlyy required to do 4. den the last qns is like so easy??? den not countedd lerr. arghs, todayy is just a dayy of pissing off laas.
ivan go sit the chair on my legg. wa lao, still go press down, until my toe so pain. stupid idiot person. grrrr.. den angry lorhs, but ppl, all noe tt i cant stay angry forr more den 5 secs. den they will start counting down!!! -.-'
after schh was like so funny. ivan and jerome. hahahas. so cute laas. budden, got hit in the by yu guang, waaahhh,, chao pain leyy. den jerome go write wad stupid thingg in the bookshop. grrr!! dint noe it will be someone not with us marhs, cannot blame me osho. so, yah. don anyhow thinkk. den went studyy, isolated myself, cos noisyy. hahas, den yu guang come take my things. stupid laas!! any read my inbox and outbox. ehh!! i not veh shou2 with yuu yet hors!! den liddat lorhs. walk out of schh, veh fun. hahahahs!! throw the thinggs. the normal fruit thinggy.. haas. but yuu noe, i don like the water!! stephh!! control ur legs laas!!!
den sat 31 with them again. den go home lorhs. hhas, here i am. (: shouldnt slack anymore, haven ate dinner yet, hungry. ): byee!!

been studyingg, but slackd quite a lot.
example: watched xiaolin showdown, jackie chan adventures and super sunday a little bit.
hahas, den my st00pid mother!! have to study still ask mi do this do that.
pls laas, yuu give mi set a goal of 80% forr all subjects, yuu think i genius mey.
den nvr get den cane again. wad's the problem with yuu lor. den i study, still
ask mi go housework! DEN DON STUDY LAAS!! pick one.
yuu are no different from every other day even if it is mother's day.
so, why must u listen to yuu???. im stubborn, i have my own mindset.
so, hear, i will onli wish min ruu a happy mother's dayy.
cos she rocks more den yuu!. arghx. pissed. fail le laas, fail eevrythingg.
fcuk problem.
-after some time-
finally got backk to my table and start writingg character analysis for Tybalt. den stomachache, went to da bian. stupid brother! come disturb me just for some toiletbowl perfume. wad's his fcuk*** problem! like TYBALT itching for battle. i just shout at him to leave the room den closed the door. mymother come with a cane. wl!! my fault laas! den obviously kana lor. ihatethem! i hate every single one of them. tml is exams lerr, how cann i possibly studyy? if i score low and my mother dares cane me, i will hate them more. bunch of shit people.

YAYS! the BRAIN helped me do this blogg!! yeahhs. stephh rocks man.
and im like not supposed to type dots? "................................."
are these considered dots?. oohhh!! they are! :P hahas.

todayy, slacked? wrote out notes forr character analysis, ROMEO AND JULIET onlyy,
the other haven write. guilty sia.....

there's still like science, chinese to studyy, which i haven really studied leyy..
haiz..

ok, backk to work N play lerr!! byee! and once again, thanks to dear stephanie ng.
jia youu to k? [ilu]

went sch, the bus soso packed, missed 3 buses. den reached late for sch, but still saw yanghao in front of me. den saw steph and car'line ahhahas. den when flag raising tt time got this two birds, pulling each other. hahas den their call so funny, like, "ahh! i don wan! don wan! get lost!"

LOL!

den had exams. blegs! rushed for eng compo cos i tot left soo little time. den i had no time to finish my chinese compo cos i tot still got a lot of time? den wrote like one page and one line only? ah! fail le la! my ying yong wen, also die liaos, no time to check dictionary. die lorhs. die liaoz lor. den cried a lil, actually for very long. den xie shern so good. stayed back to pei us. =))

thanks! haiz, no mood to study. did a little maths and went down canteen to eat. den jerome came, packed bag and went concourse. stayed there veh funny! hahas and dunno when, saw 4JT ppl - those ppl la. hahas! onli steph carol and jerome noe, shhh.. haiz..

den liddat lorhs, don wan elaborate. (:
mother wan buy things frm TM force mi go, made mi miss so much of the hai tun wan lian ren! grrrr.

today durng lesson time nth much happened barhs. either tt, or i frgot everythng. just tt maths lesson change place w ben low again. seriously can concentrate and! study better there.

after sch, mi, carline, steph, ivan, yixiang, bano stayed backk. budden bano came to tok cock only. den studied lorhs. i feel so shi bai manz! maths so lan! hopeless sia, but steph good lorhs, help mi so much. thanks brain! budden, i still donnoe how to do. wahahahas. im pinky marhs, idiot der, den ivan go home liaoz, yixiangg so ke lian wor! shan't elaborate. ahahs.

den we stayed on, must wait for yuguang to take his airless bball(x their exams over liaoz, came lorhs. den jerome got tuition with mr wong. ahahahas. so hao xiao! den yuguang hors! so sian until go feng liaoz. really lorhs, suddenly go throw things der. mad! den walked out lorhs. arghx. angry angry sia! blegs!

wahahahahahs! romeo and juliet! mi and stephh jie zuo! lolxlolx! yays! =)) onli we 2 plus car'line and jerome noe wad's this all about yea?
-winks-

did a lot of maths in schh. now veh scared. scared of everything. exams and stuff. even humans. how? haiz.

nothing will ever be the same. i wont. and i noe yuu wont too. yuu're just pretending.